Me and my story …
***
Me (curious):
”If you would need to choose 3 words to describe me, what words would you choose?”
Žan (my son, 14 years old at the time):
“Emmm… The first one would be Mommy!”
Me (amused and touched):
”Awww… yes, thank you.
But if you would have to describe me as a person not as a mom? What 3 words would you choose?”
Žan: “OK. Persistence! That is the first thing that comes in my mind. Then ‘a woman of her word’, you are reliable, trustworthy. And Strong! So strong.”
***
I was wondering what to write here for you. What do I say about me? What and how much do I share?
And I thought if I ask my son the question (above) I just might get an idea, a jumpstart.
Instead, I decided to share this conversation with you because all of this is me – being a mom, being different, being bold, open …
And I decided to share my story (not all of it, because that would be too much 😉 ):
But before you start reading
(on your own risk may I add – I share a lot 😉)
let me invite you to get to know me in person.
It’s just the best way you can get to know anyone!
I am Me, I’m a daughter, a wife and a mom of 4 children (yes, they are all from the same man and they were all planned – sort of 😉 <- I’m explaining below).
Birth, pregnancy, babies, breastfeeding … are my passion. I’m a birth coach, birth activist, natural birth advocate, doula, bestseller author, storyteller, speaker, and founder of “The International HomeBirth Day” (6th June) … also CEO and a founder of IBC (Ideal Birth Concept) and HiBAC (Holistic International Breastfeeding Amature Consultant)…
I’ve been in the “birth business” since 2008 and ever since then I’m expanding my knowledge every day
by reading books, articles, studies …
by meeting and chatting, talking to amazing people like doctors, midwives, doulas, nurses, mothers, fathers, children …
by attending events, conferences (like Midwifery Today), workshops …
by organizing and executing events …
by writing articles and books …
However, as we all know, all the knowledge in the world will not help us achieve our goals, will not help us help others …
This is why I have spent the last few years focusing my education on personal development too.
You see in 2003 I got married, it was magical, in 2004 I got my baby boy, just as I dreamed. All was perfect … on the outside, but inside I was falling “down the rabbit hole”.
In 2005 I had my 1st miscarriage, 4 more followed. My marriage was only at the beginning but already falling apart.
My career was crumbling … everything was crumbling down, so one day I just didn’t see any other way out but to end it all.
As “luck” would have it, before I could do anything stupid, I saw a video from Tony Robbins that gave me directions for life and hope.
That was the first time I felt the true power of personal development. You might call it something else but the fact is it’s something that we can not live without, we could survive but not live and thrive. Now I regularly follow and attend events for personal development.
I had to learn it the hard way that I am the first and most important person in my life. This is why now I teach others to lovingly put themselves first.
For me, my family is right next to me on the importance scale and they know how to coexist with my dreams and work. My work is important to me and when I work I give all that I can!
All that I teach, I test.
All that I test and works, I teach!
Let me show you.
Look at my 4th birth experience.
(Warning: natural birth nudity present!)
Above is the video and below are the pictures.
How I ended up having an amazing photographer at my 4th birth is also a long story that I’ll just skip because I still have other stories to tell (and because I can tell you this story in person 😉
Anyway, this was my 4th birth, my 3rd HomeBirth and my personal last one.
I felt her coming. I felt her for years!
I knew and I felt she is yet to come.
However, my husband (for a good reason) didn’t want more kids. Having three kids felt enough to him even though we were talking about having five.
This and many other tensions between us got bigger than I wanted to admit to myself. So I was surprised when he finally admitted that he is, in fact, having an affair.
It was a difficult time for me and at the same time an amazing opportunity for personal improvement.
After an interesting time (that, again, I can tell you all about it in person) I decided to get a divorce.
Yes. However.
I got a baby instead of a divorce.
And yes, I know how things work 😄
So now we have 4 children and we work for our happy marriage as any other happily married couple.
Every child of mine is the biggest teacher I ever had. They are my teachers of life.
My first son is teaching me how to accept myself just the way I am and the importance of self-improvement.
My first daughter is teaching me to embrace my kindness and vulnerability.
My second son is teaching me patience, the ideology of “just be” and “let it go”.
My second daughter is teaching me to unconditionally love myself and my life just the way it is.
I am so blessed and rich!
It is always important how you look at things, they are always at least two sides.
I can complain and focus on the bad things or I switch to the other side and look at the beauty, focus on the good of it all.
Like my 3rd birth.
I could say that everything went wrong, the house was not finished so I had to have birth at our apartment again, my waters broke but I didn’t have contractions for hours, the midwife didn’t have with her the birthing pool or the birthing stool as we talked (yes, there’s a story), the midwife was getting nervous, I was upset… When contractions finally came it was painful even though I was preparing for self-control-pain-free birth.
So at one point, I switched the focus.
I said to myself:
“What is done is done. I’m giving birth right now. I can not have my birth in the new house and the new big bathtub, neither can I give birth in the pool or on the stool… and it’s OK! I can do it! And the pain? The pain can do its thing, it can pain away as much as it wants to … I’m not playing this game anymore. I’m not the victim! I’m the Birth Goddess! I letting go!”
And from that moment on it was orgasmic!
I so much enjoy remembering his birth. It always brings a smile to my face.
After this birth, I was hooked!
And it was no surprise, you could see it coming.
I did want a birth story like it. I prepared for it!
I even attended a DONA international workshop for doulas that was carried out by none other than Debra Pascali-Bonaro, the “mother” of Orgasmic Birth (how I say) or (as the world knows her) the film director of the movie Orgasmic Birth.
Yes, it’s us in the picture on the left. And yes, I was pregnant (7 months).
Only 17 months before the picture of me and Debra was taken, another picture was taken. One of me and my baby girl only 2 minutes after birth.
It was my 2nd birth, my 1st free birth and my 1st homebirth
and it was a transformational birth and pregnancy.
After a traumatic birth experience, and after 5 miscarriages I was finally preparing for the birth of my 2nd child and my 1st baby girl. I knew what I wanted and especially I knew what I didn’t want. So I was ready to do almost anything to avoid it. I was reading books, articles, studies … and I in the middle of it all, it happened.
My inner Birth Goddess has awakened.
I was crying reading the book Childbirth without fear,
I was feeling powerful reading about natural, physiological birth,
I fell in love with my body learning about physiological birth, birth hormonology,
I was blown away by childbirth psychology…
A whole new world opened up! I felt so amazing as a woman, I felt so powerful as a pregnant woman, I felt strong.
And the birth was pure magic,
it was labor, but it was empowered and healing labor. I even started the healing process for my first birth experience. And at first, I couldn’t even believe birth can be and feel like that, so good, so powerful. I wanted to scream it out to every woman, I wanted to sprint on top of Mount Everest and shout it out until I can shout no more. We were born to experience childbirth as Goddesses. We can even enjoy the process of birth, of labor. We already have all the tools we need to experience pain-free birth.
And so I did. I started to share what I’ve experienced, what I’ve learned. I still do, I still learn, I still share.
So that maybe I can save one more family. So that maybe one more family, one more mom, one more baby doesn’t have to go through what we did with our first birth experience.
Human rights in childbirth are real, obstetrical violence is real, the patient’s rights are real, the system is real … and the only goal is survival, no matter the cost, no matter the damage.
Sometimes I do wish I would have studied medicine instead of physics (yes, I did, I studied physics) and make the changes in the medical system. But the question is, can one develope “out of system thinking” if you are “in the system”?
Anyway…
My 1st birth was (for modern society) traditional medical-hospitalized birth.
I do not like to remember it. I love the fact that I got my first baby, that it was not so bad as some stories I’ve heard, but still I associate it with pain, humiliation … I remember feeling like a victim, powerless, humiliated, lost, useless, stupid, not worthy …
Luckily it was painful enough to my soul and my body that I clearly knew what I didn’t want to experience again. And a lot of good came out of it.
Anyway, luckily I had only 4 births otherwise this would be a much longer page 😄
PS:
… just a bit more…
you already know I’m passionate about childbirth and everything around it, but I’m passionate about a lot of things, I like a lot of things… like
sailing, dogs, unicorns, Jigsaw Puzzles, waterfalls, fireplace, good company, clean water, stargazing, internet, harmony, cats, hot sommer breeze, snow, good food, me time, peacocks, good wine, dancing, birds, saving the planet (recycling, upcycling, DIY…), tattoos, personal development, money, nature, peace, science, animals (in general) … and not particularly in this order 😉
